Almost everyday at my base school (Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays) this stout, nervous little man siddles up to my desk and asks me a question about English. He stands almost directly over me and slowly stumbles through his questions. I watch his mouth tremble and beads of sweat pool up and drip past his receding hairline while he tries to talk to me. It's the most akward, uncomfortable part of my day. I don't mind being asked questions, I just don't want the poor guy to have an aneurysm.
But what makes it even more uncomfortable is that he usually presents his questions in the form of a test. Like, one day he stuttered,
"Will you meet me outside the office at p.m. 2."
"Umm, what?"
"Will you meet me at p.m. 2?"
"Do you mean 2 p.m."
"Ahhh! 2 p.m., that's right."
And he smiled, giggled and went back to his desk. It's as if he's testing english, and it pleases him when he gets the expected results. He already knows the answers but, like a scientist, he wants to observe the answer take place. So, I think of these interactions with him not as the answering of his questions but rather his oppurtunities for little english experiments. I am the subject upon which he tests his english hypotheses.
The other day, I found him suddenly standing over me sweating on cue. He asks,
"Can I have two dolls?"
"Two -- dolls?"
"Yes, may I have two dolls?"
"Hmm, do you mean two dollars?"
"Yes! Two doll-lars. Ha!"
But this time, in addition to his experiment he had a story about being in Canada and misunderstanding someone that asked him for two dollars. He had thought they were asking for two dolls. After telling his story I told him that I enjoyed it, and he says,
"Oh no, it was only a gizmo."
I was a little caught off guard. "Sorry your story -- was a what?"
He sweats bullets and trembles uncontrollably. "Ehh, a gizmo, ehh, in a car, eh, lighter...dashboard, ehh, compass..."
I explained the correct use of the word "gizmo" right before his head exploded.
In some literary stretch of the word, perhaps, "gizmo" could mean unimportant or trivial, but I'm here to promote good english not grant poetic liscense or make polite allowances. So, sorry little guy, this experiment failed; you need to rethink your gizmo hypothesis.
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5 comments:
LOL to poetic licenses. At least you have some students that actually care about learning english. My students could literally care less.
Oh, I guess I wasn`t clear, this ``little man`` with a ``receding hairline`` is a teacher, a JTE. My students also don`t care about learning english and I don`t know of one that could eek out a coherent story about misunderstanding a Canadian.
turns out i have a similiar little man. he emerges in the morning, when all the staff who don't have home-room classes have to say "ohayo gozaimasu" to the students as they arrive - menacingly if they're running late. i don't know what this guy teaches, and his english isn't much better than my japanese sometimes; he sort of reminds me of a toad.
another teacher reminds me of a bear. does anybody else make nicknames up for teachers in their heads or is it just me?
mattattaq--
i did not know a dashboard is a gizmo. i now feel enlightened.
dave-ish-
you crazy.
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